I have had no epiphany, no moment of Liberation or Enlightenment, and no transformational ‘before and after’ event. There is just an awareness (apparently deepening over time) that each moment of conscious experience is not my experience, and that consciousness itself, although appearing to be limited and personal, is in fact, infinite and impersonal.
I'd like to share an open space where we can explore being in the moment, and see what unfolds - no agenda, no expectations, no goals - just resting in the eternal present
What I seemed to be experiencing - and have experienced sporadically throughout my life - is what many spiritual teachers have pointed to throughout the ages: an indescribable being-ness wherein the individual events in life are seen as impermanent ripples on the surface of a deep eternal stillness. I feel I am a relative manifestation of that stillness.
However, this hasn't always been the case - I have spent the vast majority of my life as a quiet introspective loner. Life was very confusing as a teenager and young adult, because I found it hard to form and maintain a personal identity – a Self.
I found it incredibly difficult to articulate my thoughts and feelings regarding this, and so from an early age I looked to philosophy and psychology for answers; I felt there was nothing inside me, and thought finding a core concept could give me a reality – something I could hold on to and call ‘myself’.
In the absence of a center, I believed the only way I could function was to mirror other people by setting myself goals and by trying to engage with what I perceived as life’s trivialities – hardly surprising then that I felt like an ‘outsider’, observing life in a detached way rather than actively engaging with it.
Now I appear to be free from what I realise was the straitjacket of identifying as a Self who has to protect and maintain an identity (although I still like wearing hats). It appears that I am now in the flow of life, or more accurately that I am a manifestation of life's flow. This brings a freedom of 'being' that makes life so much simpler, I'm open to whatever arises - I'm coming from a place of love and acceptance rather than fear and control.
But here's the thing: I'm not doing it, nor am I proud or satisfied with myself because I no longer identify with my old persona, I'm free from the constraints of being myself. I'm simply being, or to refine it further: there is simply being.
I want to connect with people and explore this beingness together because I know that at our core, we all come from this one source. Call it what you will: presence, pure consciousness, oneness, the absolute, love, heaven, god, stillness - let’s see if we can meet there.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there (Rumi)